Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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