We're like a lot better than the average bears
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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