Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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