i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
