ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
