despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
