3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
