i already hear my dad disowning me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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