I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
