I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I sprained my soul last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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