I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
