so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
