I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
