Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
