imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
