If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
