i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
