The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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