:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
