Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The best revenge is premature balding
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
