Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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