who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
