Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
