Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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