there was a trapeze. enough said
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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