Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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