remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
