omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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