How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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