Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
