you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
