i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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