question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
