Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
