"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
