How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
