Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
