I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
