you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
