Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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