I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
