im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
