What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
