You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
