Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
