Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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