My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
