yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
