dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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