the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
