we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
