I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
